Farewell.

It's been a while, and I've come to realize that I don't need this blog as much as I used to.
I've currently got myself involved with the Meet You At The Show (http://www.meetyouattheshow.com) to which I post pictures and reviews of concerts I've been to, and it's got a solid fan base. 


Feel free to follow us on twitter, join the fan page on Facebook, add our MySpace page and subscribe to the YouTube channel for news, reviews and everything cool about Montreal's music scene.


In other news, I've rejoined Facebook, I'm still unsure as to how I feel about it, but so far it's not terrible.


Musically, things have been slow, but we shall soon see.
Find me places, I'll be around.


Kailey Diogo

Revision.

A Revised List of Upcoming Shows:

• The Most Serene Republic w/ The Charlotte Cornfield Band  - Nov. 13
  
• Lights w/ Jets Overhead - Nov. 28
• Arctic Monkeys w/ Parlovr - Dec. 14
• Protest the Hero w/ Four Feet and Fur - Dec. 19
• Tegan and Sara w/ An Horse - Jan. 18
• Billy Talent, Alexisonfire, Against Me! & Gallows - Mar. 24

* I did not go to YSP!WSD! unfortunately, but apparently it was good.

I am also no longer attending any shows in the previous list that do not appear here.

Other than that, sitting alone in the caf at school is great. Especially after you run for your life to catch a bus that you then miss, making you half an hour late for class and the teacher tells you it's not worth coming at that point. My next class is at 12. So much time to kill. Thank god for laptops.

IF YOU FOLLOW MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND YOU'VE FOUND YOURSELF HERE

covers are coming soon, i promise. maybe i'll take advantage of the school internet and post one right now. we shall see.

M VL.

The trees,
             they keep changing
             and my mind's a fallen leaf.

The water all around,
             the ripples that it leaves.

Beautiful,
             horrendous,
                      can you see it, friend?

I've lost it.

The agony,
            the patience
                    the balance it takes.

Can you hold me?

What would Emily Haines do?

She would jump around the stage and be awesome.

Photograph by: THE GAZETTE/John Kenney

I'm in love with this woman.
Metric was fantastic last night.
I, unfortunately, did not get any pictures, so this is a shot from the Friday show. However, her outfit last night was even better.

Amazing. Simply amazing.




*Note: The Stills were also fantastic. Again, I didn't get any pictures and I can't find any from the show last night or Friday, but they were great.

Alienz, or, It Came From Outer Bass

Shapes and Sizes

Cryptacize

Sufjan Stevens

I could have posted this a lot sooner.

There'll be more of these in the near future.

This was a great show by the way.

Upcoming shows:

• Metric w/ The Stills
• All That Remains w/ Maylene and the Sons of Disaster & Lacuna Coil.
• Lights w/ Jets Overhead
• You Say Party! We Say Die! w/ Immaculate Machine
• Norma Jean w/ The Chariot
• Tegan and Sara
• Billy Talent, Alexisonfire, Against Me! & Gallows

This had to go somewhere new.

It creeps up in the dead of night
and sinks into your skull.
It sends the chills all down your spine
until the world goes numb.

He leaves you lying, shaking there
to die alone in sleep.
He thinks about your pain and
doesn't shake or cry or weep.

The voices creep into your ears
and shake your brain around,
and when you start to get some sense
there's not another sound.

Your muscles ache, you try to move
but you don't go anywhere.
You strain your voice, you try to scream
but no one seems to care.

The light seeps in and numbs the rest
'til nothing's as it seems,
until your eyes snap open and
you realize it was a dream.

La STM vous souhaite la bonne soirée.

I met a boy on the train.

We exchanged numbers.

We scheduled a date.

We met.

We walked.

We talked.

We sat in silence.

And then he left.

Without warning.

"It's nothing personal."

Prochaine arrête, Georges-Vanier...

Cons.

I got bitten by a child at work today.

My grandfather's in the hospital dying.

I got a cute boy's phone number yesterday.

Pros should always outnumber your cons.

Hair Cuts.

I haven't cut my hair in about a year.

I haven't had hair this long in 4 years.

Before that, I always had short hair.

It's very long now.

I hate it so much.

Hair cut on Saturday.

All of it.

Gone.

Symbolism?

Maybe.

Also, Happy October :]

My favorite month.

Eye Contact.

The feeling you get when someone looks you in the eye

is unmistakable.

The feeling you get when a stranger looks you in the eye

is riveting.

The feeling you get when someone you know looks you in the eye

is comforting.

The feeling you get when someone you used to know looks you in the eye

and says "Come to the bakesale!" with no recognition;

that's heartbreaking.

"...you know you don't have to,

but I would like it if you did."

Fortune Cookies 2.0

I got another double fortune the other day.

I ate the whole cookie this time.

"If you've got it, flaunt it."

"Good things come in invisible packages.

You will be delighted."

It seems as though I must flaunt my invisible package in order to gain happiness.

*sigh*

Conflict and Contradiction.

I'm playing a show tomorrow night.

I'm excited.

I swear, I really am.

Is it bad that I just want it to be done and over with?

Everything feels weird.

I think I just need a long night with a dreamless sleep.

If I have the same dream again, I'm going to go mad.

(Assuming it hasn't already happened yet.)

Show.

Tomorrow.

Oh dear.

My wrists are shaking.

This is irrelevant and boring.

I'll post something coherent tomorrow.

"What will it take to escape you?"

Fortune Cookies.

Chinese food.

No matter how full I am, I'll eat it.

It's a self control issue, sure, but you can't deny how awesome it is.

Today I got 2 fortunes in my cookie.

One said, "To be loved, be lovable"

and the other, "Tomorrow may be too late. Live today."

I proceeded to eat my cookie,

and clumsily dropped half.

Half a cookie, half a fortune.

But which half?

Just Sayin'

If I asked you kindly to go fuck yourself,

would that change anything?

...

Hm?

Extraneus.

Music playing: Milk Lizard - The Dillinger Escape Plan

The back door of the bus won't open to let me off.

"Well doesn't that suck."

"yeah..."

"You need to learn to speak up"

"Uh, yeah, this doesn't usually happen, though... thanks"

"no problem, have a nice night."

"yeah, you too..."

Strangers.

They're, well, strange.

The World Around Me...

...is a strange place.

Fascination.

It overcomes people.

Controls them.

Infects them.

But how does it come across?

Creepy,

Obsessive,

Animalistic.

Like a lion stalking its prey.

If it's all in good nature,

should it still feel strange?

Perhaps not.

But it still does.

And to tell you the

truth, I'm not one bit

interested in this man

watching me on the bus.

-~-

A Visual Update:

Separation Anxiety

I need to move on.

This is silly.

The Follow Up (and Other Apathetic Thoughts)

I stood next to the metro tracks today, waiting for the same sensation as the other day. Nothing. In that very instant, I began to question everything I live for. The list wasn't exactly a long one. I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. Hey, I'm no philosopher. I'm not about to waste my life trying to figure out it's purpose and die not having learned a thing. I'm just curious and lazy and I would love to have life's answers thrust upon me. But I've been told life isn't like that. No one can know for sure. Today was a very sad day and I found myself helplessly staring at the faces of strangers in hopes of a thrill. Again, nothing.

I listened to this on repeat on my walk home from the bus stop today.

"So you'd sing a lullaby to get me to sleep

So it's no surprise my eyes are never heavy
For i've not seen you in the flesh for so long
That i'm not sure we would know each other at all

Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are
And i know you don't think twice wherever you are
Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are
And i know you don't think twice wherever you are

So i will hum alone, too far from you
All that i say now is nothing to you
We will lie under different stars
I am where i am and you're where you are, you're where you are.

Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are
And i know you don' t think twice wherever you are
And i'd ask if you're all right wherever you are
And do you think of me, you might, wherever you are"

It's a pretty accurate description of how I feel and the situation I'm in.

And by pretty accurate, I mean creepily spot on.

Oddity.

I got the strangest feeling today.

After class, I was waiting for the metro and as it pulled up, I felt a strange feeling of liberation, of freedom. But it wasn't just any kind of freedom. As the metro pulled up and the wind blew past, I felt like jumping in front of it. Now, let's make it clear. I'm VERY happy with the twisted little life I have and I have no intentions of ending it anytime soon. This is why this feeling was strange. I found myself walking closer and closer uncontrollably and I had to shake my senses to stop myself. In that instant, as the wind blew through my skirt and my little shoes tapped the floor impatiently, I felt as though the ultimate freedom lay just in front of me. I felt as though I should have jumped and I imagined the very sensation. The wind blowing my skirt and hair behind me, the people watching in shock, and a smile on my face.

As I got on the metro, the grin fell right off my face and I found myself thinking of everything in my life that I'd love to forget. All the things I need to clean from my conscience and my heart to fulling start anew.

I've been listening to "My Backwards Walk" by Frightened Rabbit on repeat almost all day.

Change.

Change is here.

Extremities and Music Reviews

The country/college transition was a lot smoother than I imagined it being. However, it was also everything I expected it to be. 

In a sea of 10,000 people, it's impossible to run into the same person twice entirely by accident. Unless fate is involved, but how many people actually still believe in that garbage anyway? I mean, I know I do...

Sometimes I see people and I think "Is this the person that's going to change my life for the better?" and then they walk away, into the sea of 10,000 people that could be exactly like them or entirely different, but there's not a way to know.

Yes, that seems to by my quest. I'm trying to find someone to save me. From what, you might ask? Myself, my past and my future. The only way to keep myself sane is to think, "One day, someone will come along and turn everything around, and that's what I'm living for."

I'm living for a stranger.

I'm living for someone I thought I'd already met.

I'm living for someone I've lost.

I'm living for fiction.

Am I living?

-~-

Music I've been quite partial to:

Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - Not Animal

The Most Serene Republic - ...And the Ever Expanding Universe

Paper Rival - Paper Rival-EP

Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight

Menomena - Wet and Rusting

Saoirse

Saoirse. ['seer-shuh']

Gaelic for "freedom".

It's a funny thing, really.

Change is the key to freedom. Travel is the key to freedom.

Essentially, running away from containment, whether it be physical or emotional, leads fundamentally to freedom. 

I tried to be free. I attempted to escape my containment. Here I am.

The only place I ever felt free was in a contained environment with the same people for 8 weeks consecutively. This is not freedom.

It took me 3 years to realize that running away to another place doesn't solve anything because here I am, ready to run once again.

I leave tomorrow. I'm enthused. Still, I can't reach a medium.

The contrast between country and city is ridiculously vast. I'm attempting to erase my life. All loose ties and flaky friendships: gone. All evidence of awkward life transitions or phases of extremities: gone. But I can't help but think that cutting myself free of these ties might leave me alone. If you break all the bonds you've made, how easy is it to make more?

I start college on monday. Every person in my program is a complete nob-head as far as I can tell thus far. I'm not so sure about anything anymore.

Who knows, sitting alone everyday for the rest of my life might not be that bad...

I might also meet someone who'll change my life again, sending my into a whirlwind fiasco of intense emotions where I'll have to change my life all over again.

Drastic? Maybe.

Helpful? Definitely.

Unwanted Answers

I hate when you're dying to know something,

but once you've found it, you'd rather not know.

Not because it's disturbing or unpleasant,

but because you've got it all figured out in your head

and the given answer doesn't match.

When your understandings of reality don't match

and you feel like you're losing someone.

(someone who is essentially you in another person 

but somehow more interesting and cooler than you are)

I start college in 9 days.

What the fuck.

Topics that shouldn't be over-thought (or thought of at all...)

Words.

Words mean everything. Weighing them out perfectly is also a challenge.

Like, when you want to ask a question, starting it with "I don't want this to be awkward but-" never actually works the way you want it to. It just makes things awkward.

Sometimes words are often misjudged or misused. "Oh my god, I love her so much" amongst female friends is far too common. You eliminate the weight of the words. They just become syllables placed together. The message is sent across, but is entirely misinterpreted. Whether intentionally or not.

Oftentimes people say things they don't mean. Hate, for example, is also overused and hardly ever meant sincerely.

Most people have stopped thinking.

Words are obsolescent.

Than what does anything mean anymore?

I met this person once. He hardly spoke, but when he did he always had something clever or interesting to say. It was intimidating but refreshing. He acted upon his actions and never felt the need to explain them as well. Maybe he didn't need to. Maybe I think too much. Maybe one should only speak after much thought.

Maybe this will take a lot longer than I would like it to.

The message probably won't go anywhere fast.

I slept for 12 hours last night.

I hardly worked today as well.

But I'm drained.

Emotionally and physically.

Although the line has begun to blur.

Who knows what's what anymore.

Words? Who needs them anymore?

(Me?)

Interuptions

For me, the summer consists of 8 weeks.

I spend them all at a summer camp for families, kids, teens and adults living with H.I.V and AIDs.

6 weeks have passed.

The other 2 can't go by any slower.

Damn dinner bell. I guess there's pizza...

Pizza consumed.

Where was I?

Right.

8 weeks is far too long for anyone to be in the same place for.

Well, I guess home is the exception, and some could call this home.

Others wouldn't.

I would be one of those others.

Always.

Evidently there's a problem and seemingly no solution.

What am I talking about?

Insanity.

This Tree Looks Familiar

I've attempted to make a blog before.

I sense failure in the near future.

I also sense a numbing sensation in my chest.

The rest is irrelevant.

That last thing probably is too.